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Leaving a relationship is always difficult and painful, and leaving one with a narcissist can be even harder because you’ve invested so much time and effort into trying to make it work.

If you can break these deadly dating patterns, you might have a shot at that love thing after all. Or as soon as you meet a guy, you envision your future dates with him, marrying him, or just having hot sex with him.

Repeatedly choosing the wrong guys signals that you may be driven to re-create the drama you had with your father or first boyfriend.

Many women who had an absentee dad or let the arrogant JV football captain string them along for years will go for men who are unavailable or talk down to them because they're subconsciously trying to resolve things with the guy who let them down earlier in life, says Dunn — even though, clearly, that's not solving anything.

But while you can’t choose not to have that first thought, you decide not to let yourself follow it. Force yourself to finish reading that Tweet, or maybe even that book you were so into before you met him. So if you’re having a serious flirtation with a guy and feel like you’re getting swept away, get back into reality STAT. The Pattern: When you like a guy, you try to orchestrate events that will bring you together, like organizing a happy hour after work or a night out dancing with your classmates. You are trying to push him to ask you out NOW so you don’t have to sit with your anxiety all week.

Instead of lying in bed reliving a yummy date, go out to brunch with a friend. As uncomfortable as it might be, try to have a conversation about what’s actually going on between you rather than indefinitely staying in a fantasy relationship with him. It’s masochistic to be involved with a guy who’s not truly available for a relationship with you, whether it’s because he has a girlfriend, a wife, or just issues. The morning after a date you text him, “Thanks so much for last night, it was amazing! You feel like you have to plot out every step of this relationship and without your constant vigilance, it will wither away and die. You are not really in control anyway, even though you think you are.




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