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These two aspects of empathy require different skills.

In a nutshell, people with Asperger’s Syndrome have more difficulty than the average person with the first part of empathy—seeing the world from someone else’s perspective.

Even if you tell me, “Just say fine,” sometimes the situation looks special to me, and I can't figure out why it's special, so I can't talk. Picture her: The professional ballet dancer who had just quit, and to celebrate, she got breast implants. I told her that we were really ineffective together and I thought we needed some guy there with us to run the show. For example, there was the guy who asked me out while I was an arbitrage clerk at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. We both like reading about sex, but having it is more traumatic.

So I’ve spent my life teaching myself the rules for what to do in each social situation. Surround yourself with people who can effectively guide you through rules. And me, the aspiring professional beach volleyball player. He was on the phones, picking up orders, and I'd stand in the British Pound pit, flashing hand signals to him to tell him what was bid and offer. He would not go down on me, so I started writing obsessively about his not going down on me. But then he saw that I don't know left and right, really, and my math skills end, largely, at third grade, and I am an idiot savant when it comes to memorizing statistics about Gen Y tendencies at work. And he has learned that the only way to get me uncurled is to talk to me. He says what he's doing with his hands, what he is feeling, what we will do, what I have done, he tries to stick to facts. And he does not expect me to move or speak, until I've heard enough verbal cues to get back in the game.

Asperger’s makes it hard to know what it takes to address someone else’s concerns.

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But maybe you can also tell from my posts that it's a little bit weird. And sex, which are two of the essential areas of life one needs to be able to function in before you can feel like a normal adult.

A simple example of this deficit is answering the question, “How are you? If you don't learn the rules for navigating, life gets boring and repetitive.

” It is loaded with so many nonverbal issues that I simply freeze. I am fast-forwarding through things that are largely repetitive of the above situations.

What is critical to understanding empathy in those with Asperger’s is the idea of having an that someone else feels hurt or pain, is confused and worried, has doubts and wants comfort, but at the same time not know how to respond in a way that fits that particular situation.

This is what makes those with Asperger’s different and where the idea that they lack empathy comes from.

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